Anatomy of a Mary Sue
by CoolCalico - Lalaithian
Summary: Two Sue crappy fanwriters are captured and taken to a camp . . . where they'll learn how to NOT write Sues? WTF is up with this? PG13 for language, kind of a one shot.


ANATOMY OF A MARY SUE  
  
by: Lalaithian  
  
-----  
  
Disclaimer: I own Cwen. Cwen owns Lindypetalfaye, thus I own her too (Damnit). I own Amaya, who owns Findilay, thus I own her as well (craptacular). I own Tacey. I own Braith. I own Cai. I own Drie. I do not own anything else. That is all. **bows**  
  
Special hello to Giaz after her surgery! ^_^ **sends another portable hospital**  
  
BTW, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OFUM. (This is not a copy or anything like it. I just randomly wrote it when I was bored. Please don't sue or flame; the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth is genius and Miss Cam's . . . not mine. I am not even borrowing it!)  
  
Reference to the Words taken from PPC. Do not own them either. **bows to Jay and Acacia**  
  
~*~  
  
"Lindypetalfaye u r soooooo beutiful" Farmir said. "U r like sooooooooo perfect!"  
  
"No like u r!" Lindypetalfaye said modestly.  
  
"I love u so much Lindypetalfaye," Faamir said going on 1 knee. "will u b my bride????"  
  
"I'm like sooooo sorry Farmir . . . but like I'm already married to Leglas!"  
  
--  
  
Cwen smiled. Aw . . . a cliffhanger! Perfect for the new chapter of Princess of the Twilight! So cute! And Lindypetalfaye was so cool! She was, like, perfect! Cwen giggled.  
  
*****  
  
Amaya grinned. Princess of the Twilight had just updated! That fic was soooo good. But she definitely needed to work on her fic, Lady of the Key of Sapphires. She was trying sooooo hard to make Findilay, her character, like Lindypetalfaye, but it wasn't working! If only she could write like LeggysGirl5963 . . .  
  
"You are an idiot."  
  
Amaya turned around. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"  
  
She was staring at a raven-haired girl with startlingly green eyes, which now narrowed. "What do you think I'm doing?"  
  
"Sitting on my dresser."  
  
"Well, other than that."  
  
"Telling me I'm an idiot."  
  
"Ding ding ding! We have a winner," the girl said sarcastically.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Name's Tacey. Tacey Channing."  
  
"And why are you in my room?"  
  
"Give me your hand."  
  
Amaya recoiled. "You sick freak!"  
  
"You ARE an idiot."  
  
"You're not getting my hand or any other part of my body!"  
  
"I wouldn't want to." Tacey was still reaching for Amaya's hand.  
  
"No!"  
  
"What, you think I have cooties or something?"  
  
Amaya started trembling. "I'll-I'll call the police!"  
  
"Oh, yeah, hun. Call the police. You'll be taken to the mental asylum." Tacey grinned then added under her breath, "Not that you don't belong there already."  
  
"W-why?" Amaya seemed to have missed the last part.  
  
"Oh just take my hand."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Lord none of the other ones were this stupid . . ."  
  
"O-other ones?" Amaya was getting to be really scared.  
  
"For Christ's sake, she's already scared," Tacey said obnoxiously.  
  
"I am not scared!" Amaya retorted.  
  
"Then grab my fricken hand."  
  
"O-okay . . ." Amaya took her hand.  
  
"Finally."  
  
*****  
  
Cwen giggled again. That's what she was best at. Other than makeup. She was great at makeup and makeovers. **giggle giggle**  
  
"Stop gigglin', girl. It's givin' me a headache."  
  
Cwen screamed. A girl with reddish-brown hair was sitting on her floor. She kept screaming. And screaming. And screaming. And --  
  
"Are you done yet?"  
  
Cwen looked at her wide-eyed. "W-who--?"  
  
"S'what they all say." The girl sprang up and shook Cwen's hand vigorously. "Me name's Braith Hanford. Nice ta meetcha."  
  
Cwen was speechless.  
  
Braith waved her hand in front of Cwen's face a few times. "Hul-lo?"  
  
"I-I'm Cwen."  
  
Braith rolled her eyes. "I know."  
  
"H-how do you know m-my name?"  
  
"I know more than you know." Braith winked and glanced down at her watch. "Shit! I didn' realize it was this late! Come on, Cwen!" Braith grabbed a dazed Cwen's hand before they disappeared into oblivion.  
  
*****  
  
"Amaya. How much do I have to tell you: don't touch anything!"  
  
Amaya saw Tacey glaring at her from further into the forest Tacey had let her into. She looked down, ashamed at the scolding. "I-I'm sorry, Tace- Tace."  
  
Tacey glared at her. "You call me Tacey or Channing or Tacey Channing. No nicknames."  
  
"Okay Tace-Tace."  
  
Tacey grabbed her by the throat. "Don't you ever say that again, you got that?"  
  
"Ye --- s --- Chan --- nin --- g," Amaya choked out.  
  
"Good girl," Tacey said, releasing her.  
  
Amaya collapsed onto her knees, holding her throat.  
  
"What are you, some nancing bitch?" Tacey insulted harshly, looking back at poor Amaya. Tacey glared at the Words. "She's not friggin' poor! Now get up off your ass and let's keep moving."  
  
"Tacey!" a cheerful voice called.  
  
"Braith," Tacey responded unenthusiastically.  
  
Braith hopped out into a clearing so Amaya could see the brunette clearly. A girl with blonde-brown hair was behind her . . . on a leash?  
  
"Holy shit!" Tacey looked jealous. "You got the new leash?"  
  
"Yeah. Isn't it great?" Braith said proudly, yanking on it.  
  
"Dude, I want one!"  
  
"See if Cai'll let you get one. If you ask Drie I doubt she'll even consider."  
  
"Yeah, probably. How bad was yours'?  
  
"Legolas Sue cheating with Faramir, Frodo, Aragorn, and Boromir. Called 'Princess of the Twilight' or some nancy name like that. Yours'?"  
  
"Idolized yours. Desperate to write one like yours." Tacey shuddered. "Oh I want that leash."  
  
"How much farther d'we have ta go?"  
  
"We should be right about here."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Here we are."  
  
Amaya and Cwen, the girl on the leash, were confused. They were standing in front of a bunch of trees. They told their captors so.  
  
"Shut up, whore writers," Tacey snapped. Braith merely yanked on the leash. Cwen yelped. Braith giggled.  
  
"Stop. You sound like --- like one of THEM," Tacey scolded, sounding disgusted.  
  
Braith shut up. She looked nauseous.  
  
"Climb."  
  
Amaya looked confused at Tacey's orders. "Climb?"  
  
Tacey grabbed her and put her in front of the tree. She point at it. "You. Climb. Now. Got it? Good girl." Tacey patted her head.  
  
"You. Same!" Braith barked to Cwen.  
  
Cwen seemed to be frightened of Braith. She followed the orders. Once the prisoners were up the trees, Braith and Tacey leaped up in one bound.  
  
A girl with short dark green hair and a girl with shoulder-length lavender hair were standing in the tree. They appeared to be having an argument.  
  
"Oh, God, not again," Tacey muttered.  
  
The two girls looked up. "Oh, sorry!" the purple-haired one said, picking a clipboard. "So these are the new recruits?"  
  
The green-haired one rolled her eyes. "You know, you two don't have to keep recruiting. We already closed down."  
  
Tacey glared. "There's still too much badfic out there, Drie."  
  
Drie seemed to share Tacey's temperament. "I don't believe asking you to speak."  
  
"You are not the f---" Tacey began.  
  
"Will you to shu' up?" Braith interrupted, hands on hips. "You two fight every time you see each other. It's gettin' old, m'dears."  
  
Tacey and Drie glared at her.  
  
The purple-haired one smiled benevolently at Amaya and Cwen. "Welcome to Camp Hell. I'm Cai and this is Drie, Tacey, and Braith!" she said brightly, pointing at the rest of the girls. "You're going to learn the Anatomy of a Sue!"  
  
Cwen and Amaya looked at each other.  
  
"Basically, you're going to learn why all you're writing is shit," Drie explained, jade hair bouncing.  
  
Cwen and Amaya looked at each other again. They were scared. This was going to be a long camp . . .  
  
"I WANNA GO HOME!"  
  
~*~  
  
If anyone wants to be a camp counselor or fanwriter, tell me. This is stupid but oh well. Anyone got any ideas? 


End file.
